Sunday, July 1, 2012

Hello little blog. I'm back. For now, at least.

*sigh* I spent much of the past month existential crisis-ing. Don't worry--I'll spare you the gory details. But I did come to the conclusion that things have to change in my life. Or rather *I* have to change things. I spend 98% of my time in a way-too-stressed-out state. Stress is hell on fibro. Too much stress is hell on anyone. Thing is, while a certain amount of stress comes with life, so much of mine is self-imposed. Self-invented.

And it has to stop. Life is zipping on by, and I'm forgetting to enjoy it because I'm too. damn. busy. worrying. about. everything.

So. Blogging is to become my first battle in the war. If I can't find a way to de-stress the whole thing, it goes. I really hope I can do it. It is a doable task, after all, because this is one area of my life where the stress truly is completely self-imposed. It's that insidious little thing called guilt that does it. I feel guilty about everything--I can't post on my blog if I don't have time to read other blogs or I feel guilty, I can't read and comment on one friend's blog if I don't have time to read and comment on my other friends' blogs or I feel guilty, I can't go on twitter if I don't have time to read blogs or I feel guilty, etc., etc., etc. What this boils down to is that the guilt and the stress I've attached to blogging must go, or else blogging itself will. Period. Not that I believe that I can just change my thinking overnight, of course. But I either need to see steady progress or I need to hang up the virtual "closed" sign.

6 comments:

DesLily said...

I spend 98% of my time in a way-too-stressed-out state.

welcome to being a female, being married and having kids!

I wish I could give you an answer but I do know you do more than any other woman I know and I'm not just saying that...and homeschooling is a huge chunk of it. but we are bound to do what we feel is best for everyone... except yourself. yup it's called being a caregiver to the world!

Jean said...

Oh, Debi, your friends don't want to cause you pain, both literal and figurative. You don't have to read others' blogs in order to write your own. We want to hear what you're doing, not so much what you think about what we're doing. I hope you can figure out a way to make it all work, but if you can't, then do what you need to do, and we'll all understand.

Trish said...

I so relate to this Debi but I've HAD to let it go. Had to. And I tell myself that if people think that I'm being selfish for continuing to post but not commenting on other blogs as much as I used to then they can just go their way and I'll go my way and that's that. Because I need to do the blogging thing for ME first (because it's MY hobby and outlet).

Now, that's not to say that I don't still feel the guilt--some weeks I won't post anything because I know I don't have time to comment. But this is silly.

How about we make a little mutual deal...don't ever feel like you NEED to comment on my blog and I'll feel the same. If we have time and it works out, great. But otherwise we'll both still know that we love each other just the same, right?? Right now I'm staring at 355 posts in my Google Reader and...bah...I just don't wanna. ;)

Though I don't feel ANY guilt about hanging out on twitter. And I'd love to see you there more. ;)

Care said...

Yes, I say first let go of the 'can't post until I read other blogs' worry. Not so. You can post, write, let it be an outlet and then release. :)

One step at a time. You probably won't be able to just STOP WORRYING TOTALLY so let a little piece go at a time. Try for 10% less worrying and wittle away at it. right? :D

And know that it won't be easy, just decide not to beat yourself up about it cuz that is the double whammy. imo. and it's all my opinion!

LOVE YOU! do what you do, be positive-creative and remember to breathe. I'll shut up now and take my own advice and breathe. and smile.

{{hugs}}

Debi said...

Pat,
Yeah, the too stressed-out thing just seems to come with being human, doesn't it? I just don't think I handle it in healthy ways. And I am determined to change that, at least as best as I can.

Jean,
That's the thing--my friends DON'T bring me pain!!! I bring myself the pain. But I am determined to get this figured out. Because believe me, my friends bring me JOY, not pain. And for that, I couldn't possibly thank you enough!!!

Trish,
It's a deal! But you know what? The silliest thing about feeling that guilt is realizing in your head how dumb it all is to start with. Because I've never ever thought anything about it when someone doesn't comment. I know that every. single. person. has a busy life, and that there are about a million and a half reasons why someone hasn't commented. Never once have I thought, "Hmmm...I wonder why so-and-so didn't say anything about this post" and I'm guessing you could say the same thing, right?

Care,
If I haven't told you lately, or even if I have--you are one of the wisest people I have ever met. Not to mention one of the sweetest. And the funniest. And the most adorable... Love you.

Kailana said...

How do you keep all your guilt straight? Just reading about it was thinking 'huh?' Blogging is supposed to be fun! I hope you can destress and enjoy it more. I would miss you if you left!!