Ha! Like I ever do anything but ramble. :P
*I've been in a bit of a funk lately. You know, the kind where there is seemingly nothing identifiably wrong. Life is honestly okay. And yet there's this feeling of bad-mood pervading your days. You try to hide it because it seems so utterly ridiculous to feel this way to start with.
Well, I think I found the current source. I think it's the coming of fall. Yep, I've grown to have a love/hate relationship with fall. It used to be purely a love relationship. And still there's really only one thing I don't like about fall...but it's such a *huge* thing that it has seeped in and contaminated everything. Back-to-school.
I hate that Max is gone all day. I hate the hecticness of having to juggle the demands of public school (Max) and our at-home school (Gray) and our partially at-home school/partially community college system of school (Annie). I hate packing lunches (yeah, how lame is that--but I do). I hate how much homework Max gets (though at least homework here at his new school seems of a much more useful variety than the stupid busywork he often got at his old school).
Thing is, once we get started and get in the swing of things again, all will be fine. I know that. Giving up the more carefree days of summer with all their wonderful flexibility is just hard. And realizing what the hell it was that was unconsciously eating at me has allowed me to just face it head on and banish this funkish mood.
*Speaking of fall, it's almost time for Carl's RIP challenge again!!! I want to make the absolute most of it this year. (Of course, I'm pretty sure I think that every year and then life gets in the way.) But an effort will be made to get the decorations up and to bake lots of "autumn" treats and to drink lots of apple cider and especially to read lots of spooky books!
*It's already past time, really, to start making Christmas gifts. I've been making a list of all the things I'd *like* to make for people. Of course, time, or lack thereof, always means this list gets whittled down to about a tenth the size it starts at. I'd love to share some of the things I'm hoping to get made, but I never know who might decide to pop in here. I did buy fabric to make the kiddos' pjs for this year. (They always get pjs, so I'm ruining no surprise in the unlikely event one of them would decide to read this.) And I'm pretty sure I'm going to make one of these again. Bacon loved the last one to pieces. Literally.
Okay, you're saved any more of my rambling, because my darling husband is ready--we're heading off to walk. Yes, Lu, I'm still headed your way. And I think I'm making a little better time now. :)
Have a super fantastic weekend everyone!!!!
12 comments:
I hope you had a great walk with Rich. My pedometer is behaving quite strangely, and I'm debating whether to replace it. After recording my steps daily for something like ten years, I'm trying to break free and just walk. Not count steps, but walk. As for fall and back to school, while Max's being in school pulls you in one way, think of the pulls in another direction were you to homeschool him as well.You will know if you need to do that--he will let you know--but in the meantime, relish that school and he are getting along. As for me, fall means I didn't make it up to visit you this summer, and with trips already set in September (Maine) and October (Florida), I likely won't make it soon. I guess I could always start walking...
I often wonder if you truly know how to relax even for just 1/2 hr???
Hooray for RIP! 'nuff said there lol
once the school year begins I don't know how you manage to do all that you do!!
Oh Debs, I never mind if you ramble :) I just wish that your rambles were about how happy you were :) Not because I want to only hear about when you're happy, just because I WANT you to be happy! I can't wait for the day that the kids are off to college. And I know that sounds horrible because they'll be all grown up and maybe gone, but I just want you to have less stress :( And I'm with you with RIP! Hooray for that!!
>> And realizing what the hell it was that was unconsciously eating at me has allowed me to just face it head on and banish this funkish mood.
Yay! Also remember w fibro your serotonin levels can dip, which can cause general malaise too. Sometimes I remind myself/explain to friends & family that it's not me, it's my lack of serotonin. ;)
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but have you tried taking Cod Liver Oil? The most effective (and cost effective) is the liquid, which definitely requires some time to get used to the taste, but for me it improves my mood/energy levels/etc. pretty dramatically. I first started taking it in fall of 2010 because I read it could help clear up acne (my poor skin), and after a month I realised I'd become much more chipper. My mom noticed too, so it wasn't in my head. Somehow, though, in 2011 I started forgetting. But in the past month I've established a new routine & now I'm back to my daily dose, and I'm kicking myself for ever falling out of the habit! I take 1T in the am and one in the pm, right before I brush my teeth each time, and just leave the bottle in the bathroom for ease of remembering. My dr's know I take it and don't have any objection, fortunately.
I can certainly see how school would be a pain in the butt and how that would affect your feelings about Fall...something that cannot get here quickly enough for me! I remember just dealing with one kid and how hectic much of that could be, even when she was homeschooling with Mary's cousin. There was just always something going on, and the homework, and the making her do the homework, and on and on. I'm sorry that experience taints such a wonderful time of year, but rest assured as they grow older it will eventually get better. :)
I'm VERY excited about RIP and was thinking today that I'm going to probably do the seasonal decorations right away over Labor Day weekend regardless of how un-Autumn-like the temps will probably be. I want to bask in fall goodness for as long as I possibly can.
My boss always talks about how when school starts she feels like she adds on another full-time job to her day. I imagine it must be hard to coordinate all of the kiddos, especially with so many activities and interests! (and we have to pack Elle's lunch for her daycare and I HATE it...such a pain, especially as she's going through a picky eating stage).
This morning it was 72 degrees driving in. I think we'll get up into the 90s by the end of the day but I'm hopeful that the drop in weather this early means that we'll have a brisk fall. I adore fall--I think it's the change that I love so much.
Happy walking. ;) I've been trying to get up at 5:15 in the morning to get in a run/workout (Carl is quite the inspiration!). Seems to be the only time I can get it in without giving up something so little as sleep. Ha!
xo
The back to school start up and gearing mentally and taskwise to the new/old routine is always bittersweet.
Cheers to you!
My days of packing lunches are far behind me, but autumn and the routine change that comes with it are still difficult for me too.
Honestly, what you tackle while fighting your funk inspires me, and I hope the fog lifts quickly.
I am sorry that you are in a funk, Debi! I hope it passes for you soon. I love the fall so I look forward to it, but I don't have the school thing to worry about (although, fighting with a step-child to do his damn homework all ready was part of last years routine... So, maybe not ideal...) Anyway, I will be thinking about you!
Can I just tell you how thankful I am for your blog. I am so glad to be able to pop over here and see what you are up to. And I love that you share what is going on with you - both good and bad. I love you to pieces.
I am sorry that fall funk has hit you. I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year myself. I am always kind of thankful to get back to the routine and then I am stressed because of the routine. Sigh.
Hoping for some peaceful, pain-free and carefree moments for you, my friend. And lots and lots of moments being lost in good books!:)
How have I missed your blog all these years?!? Sweet Chris pointed your link out to me last night, which I'm so grateful for!
I don't think you're alone in that funk that comes over us when it's time to head back to the "rat race." I teach school, and I feel like I didn't really even have a summer, so my anxiety is pretty high this year.
Now, I need to take your example and get Christmas up and running... :) All the best!
Jean,
Wow--recording your steps for a decade! I'm impressed! I'm guessing after that long, you've likely made walking a habit, huh? :P And hey, it's really pretty here in the winter, too. Just saying.
Pat,
LOL--yeah, I do admit that relaxing doesn't come easy to me. Unless we have guests...so why don't you come visit for a few weeks?!! :)
Chris,
Oh my sweet, sweet friend. Please don't you dare worry about me--I *am* happy, I promise!!! And oh my gosh, how I would love a break from homeschooling now and then--but nothing so drastic as having them grown and moved out!!! Bite your tongue--they are growing way to fast as it is!!! I mean seriously, can you believe Annie is 15 already?!! *sigh*
Eva,
Thank you, sweetie! You know, I knew that serotonin levels can be a problem with fibro, but I just hadn't connected it to me and my moods personally. Which yeah, makes me sound pretty stupid, I suppose. :P But it helps so much hearing that. I tend to beat myself up so much when I'm not feeling happy and cheerful. I *know* I shouldn't, but I do. So Eva, my dear, you've given me yet another reminder that I need to be kinder to myself. And I thank you for that. :)
Carl,
"...and the making her do the homework..."<--OMG, I think that is the very worst part!!! Max could sit down and finish his homework in 30 minutes most days if he just did it, but instead we have to add an additional hour onto the time to include all the whining and complaining and trying-to-get-out-of-it tactics. :P
But oh my YES, how excited I am as well about RIP!!! Seriously, you add so much fun to an already fun season that it almost seems criminal. And I'm with you, I think I'm going to try to put up our decorations this weekend, too. :D
Trish,
LOL--I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates packing lunches! It seems like such a silly little thing to mind doing, but for some reason I do. :P
I hope you have a beautiful fall!!!
Care,
Bittersweet is the perfect word! Thanks my dear! :)
Snowball,
Thank you so much! I hope this change of season goes smoothly for you, too! :)
Kelly,
Thanks! And good luck to us both with the homework thing! :P
Kara,
You've no idea how huge a smile you put on my face! You put a smile on my heart every time I think of you--which lucky for me is often!
I so love what you said about craving the routine and then dreading the routing--that about says it perfectly! :D
I hope you all are sliding into the new routine smoothly and happily! It sure looked like Bryn was from that account of her first day--what a amazing kiddo she is. Which, of course, is not at all surprising, considering her parents. :)
Becky,
Well, I'm going to have to thank Chris! I can't wait to pop over to your place! :D
I'm so sorry you're not feeling ready to head back to school. You have my complete admiration--I don't think I could ever be a teacher (to anyone other than my own kiddos, that is). I hope it turns out to be a wonderful school year for you though, despite the inevitable stress.
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