Wednesday, March 27, 2013

thinking out loud...

I mentioned a couple days ago how I was questioning this whole blogging thing. But honestly, all I've been working with in my head about it all is general feelings, a whole lot of squishy-ness with no defined lines. But as so often happens in this wonderful thing called life, something popped up today that helped me paint a clearer picture--this post by Trish.

These were my words a couple days ago: "While I love keeping my own little journal of life, I'm not sure it need to be out there in the world."

Trish's post not only helped me define my own issues, but they also reinforced the underlying feelings. All the talk about number of followers and readership numbers and stats...those conversations have always felt foreign to me. I just don't care about those things. Never have, and I'm guessing that after doing this blogging thing for over 7 years now that's never going to change.

But here's the thing that's hanging me up--maybe I should care. Maybe I don't deserve to be taking up space in the internet world if I don't.

It's not that I regret that I ever started blogging--I don't for a single second! My life has changed because of blogging. My life is so much richer--I've learned so very much, and I've grown so much as a person, and most of all, I've gained the friendship of some of the most incredible people on the planet. I simply cannot imagine my life without the friends I've made through blogging. I can't.

Thing is, I don't need to need to keep a blog to keep those friends. LOL--I'd like to see them try to get rid of me. :P But the point is, I can read blogs without writing one. So is it selfish of me to keep this blog going? Well, yes it is selfish. But is it the good kind of selfish or the bad kind of selfish?

Guess my options boil down to:
1.) Quit blogging period. (But I really don't think I want to do that because it gives me personal satisfaction.)
2.) Try to turn this blog into something worth reading to outsiders. (*sigh* Yeah, I just don't have the time, motivation, or talent to do that.)
3.) Keep on blogging about whatever the hell I want. (But can I learn to live with these guilty feelings of being a waste of space?)
4.) Change it to a private blog. (That way I still get to have my journal but I don't have to clutter up the world with it. Maybe???? the best option.)

I don't know. This is certainly not my swan song here...I just don't have the answers yet. And I really don't want to make any decision final without giving it due thought.


Amanda said...

I've honestly by now gone completely private. I've been creating a private database for my book reviews from the last five years, moving them off of Goodreads. I've turned all my blogs to private, and eventually may begin blogging again, privately, as my own little journal. I just don't feel comfortable in the blogging world anymore. Or in most social media. I'm stripping a lot of stuff away.

Ana @ things mean a lot said...

3 ALL THE WAY. I know that those feelings of unworthiness can't simply be wished away (if only), but Debi, no one who reads your blog does so out of anything but their own free will. If trusting yourself is hard, which I know it can be, please try to trust us, okay? We're here because we want to, because we're interested, because we DO find you worth reading. And if writing gives you personal satisfaction, it's a win-win situation all around, right?

Jean said...

Debi, I read your blog because I want to know what is going on with you and yours, relatives who are dear to me and whom I hold close after years of being disconnected. I don't care how it's written, whether the paragraph breaks are in proper positions, or if you just ramble. Whatever you decide is fine, but if you choose option 1, then you may be getting more emails from me going, "whaz up, yo?" Well, I wouldn't really write that, but you know what I mean. Happy due thought!

Iris said...

Ana has said it all and so much better than I ever could (plus, I am a new reader of your blog - which perhaps entitles me to say: you convinced me to keep on returning very recently!) -hugs-

DesLily said...

I think you have made your blog "personal to you" (this is a good thing) you may write a book review and next time talk about Annie's new haircut or some crafting you are doing.. obviously this works because those of us who read you..stay reading you..I think you should stop driving yourself crazy.. blog when you want to and don't when you don't feel like it..tell us about you and your family or tell us about a book or the swamp...just do what you want, when you's pretty well known that we like you and whatever you do is ok... don't over think it lol.. each day you do what you want..write or don't write and read or don't read..most of us aren't going anywhere!

Ali said...

I'll put in my vote for #3.

None of us reads every blog out there. The people who are reading your blog are here because we find what you have to say worth reading! Don't change a thing. Ramble away. Take breaks when you need to (that's what feed readers are for and why we're all up at arms about Google taking ours away, right?)
If someone's not interested, they'll mark it as "read" and move on.

Chris Howard said...

What everybody else said Debs. Ill be writing you a huge paragraph about this post when I get to email you but I wanted to make sure i got to comment on this post and tell you that yes, even though our friendship would NEVER EVER EVER go away if you stopped blogging, there's just something I love about being able to pop in here and just get a little glimpse into what's been going on with you or what's mulling around in your head or pictures of what's around you or what you've been cooking and all sorts of other things. This is a special little place for the people who visit you here and I think we'd all miss it so much if it was gone. Because its a part of you. And it's that part of YOU that we love. You don't have to worry about how many people or visiting or how to brand yourself or how often you post or how often you visit other blogs or any of that. People come here because they want to. No strings attached :) we're here because we love you. Well I am at least and I would bet that most everyone else is too. So please don't go anywhere my dear friend :)

Elizabeth said...

Not to discount how you are feeling but I think something is in the blog air as a few blogs I read are questioning how to go forward! I wanted to weigh in, even though you have not asked, to say how much I enjoy your blog.I enjoy your thinking out loud, your rambles or tidbits. I have not commented in quite awhile but really most days you are in my mind because of a post you wrote weeks ago. It was about a book (can't remember the name off the top of my head) but it was about a boy and anxiety. You related some personal information about yourself and your kids regarding anxiety and it has been mulling in my head ever since. I have worked with kids for over 30 years and what you wrote about anxiety really resonated in a way nothing about anxiety has before. Really, I think your blog is a little random act of kindness. You put it out there and you can never know what effect it will have. Despite feeling guilty for taking up space(your words, never mine!) I don't think you will ever know just who may be touched by what you are writing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that your "due thought" will lead you to carry on. Have a Happy Easter weekend.

Vasilly said...

Ana's right. We love your blog and I hope you continue. I understand your guilty feelings. I feel the same way sometimes about blogging. But I think what's most important is that we do it because we enjoy it and not for being "productive" about it.

I don't know what happened but I remember years ago when blogging was such a carefree and easy thing. We looked at it as fun and not as a hobby turned business. You know? I want to go back to those days and I think the only way we can is to remember why we started and to follow those feelings. I hope you end up staying around.

P.S. What's the theme for next month? ;-)

Susan said...

Debi, I'm a bit late here, as ever, but you are talking about something I've been wrestling with too. How much do I want to blog? What is the point of blogging in the world? Why does what I say matter? And what I've come down to, is, the world needs your voice, and my voice. It's in the little things that we can know another person, and have our world enriched and expanded. How wonderful my life is because I know about you, and your family, and your new home that you want to do so much in, and how you try to balance everything along with health issues that are a real struggle to cope with.

I don't think of myself as cluttering up the internet - it has infinite space. I think of it more as, do I have the time, and what do I want to say? There are things I don't want to make public, and still I don't want to shy away from being myself on my blog. I think you have done a wonderful job of creating a blog that is about you, and what you love. I think the wonder is that if we could all do this - and not worry about stats etc which are boring - real connection, is how we make the world better. One step at a time. So please, keep blogging, you are guiding the way for many of us wondering how to make our blogs more 'us' too :-) and they are always the best ones to read!!!

hugs :-)

Jeanne said...

I've never been here before but came over to see who made such a good comment on a post at Things Mean A Lot and found this post. I agree with the person who says keeping a blog can be a random act of kindness.

And yes, there's something in the air/blogosphere. A lot of us are re-evaluating why we do this.

Care said...

What Ana said, and what Chris said, and what everyone says. You are obviously - to me - one of the safest and most comfortable, welcoming honest good and bright spots in thw world. I don't stop by every day but I like stopping by and seeing your smiley genuine posts. You are a positive charge. Hugs, Care

Trish said...

*cries at this post being 16 days old*

I vote for option 3 and from some of your recent posts I'm guessing that you have too.

I sometimes wonder about blogging being a selfish act and I do think that it is in a way but I also think that it's a GOOD selfish act. When I start going through times of depression I always think that I should probably just give up the blogging (it's one more thing that I really don't have time for that takes time away from other things plus it takes so much know the depression rabbit hole) BUT I have to remind myself of the GOOD things that have come from blogging. meeting wonderful and spirited people like yourself, pushing my own personal limits and finding hobbies that I really enjoy through blogging (hand sewing hexes! cooking food from scratch! canning!!!).

I certainly hope that my post did not make it seem like one needs to have a lot of followers because that's not the case. But genuinely interested people does help a little bit and you definitely have that going on for you.

Hugs. And you know what Debi? I admire your honesty...always.

Trish said...

Just read through all of the comments and I LOVE the idea that your blog is a random act of kindness. You are a very special lady, Debi.